Utah Post Valentine’s Day Lament: Romantic IMprov Haiku

Gosh darn it all to/
Heck! I forgot to wish you/
Happy Valentine’s!

It’s Pronounced “Golda”! Revolutionary ImproVerse Haiku

Only in Utah/
would they say that Teyve’s/
wife was named “Goldie”!

Utah Crash Text Dummy: Revolutionary IMproVerse Haiku

So many Utah folks/
text while driving, I must write/
about it…what?!? AUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH!

How’s That Beam In Your Eye? Revolutionary ImproVerse Haiku

Living in Utah/
means everyone asks: “Where is/
your white shirt and tie?”

Zombie Resurrection Connection: Revolutionary ImproVerse Rhyming Poem

Props to my son /
for making the connection /
between Utah’s obsession /
with zombies /
and the Mormons’ belief/
in the Resurrection.

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Zombies And The Resurrection: Revolutionary ImproVerse Haiku

Utah’s obsessed with/
zombies. Is it because of/
the Resurrection?

Quiet Hymn Singing: Revolutionary ConTEXTing Haiku

Welcome to Utah,/
home of pioneer stock, where/
no one sings loudly.

Stepping On A Lego Response — Utah Style: Revolutionary ImproVerse Haiku

A friend forwarded me a funny haiku about stepping on a Lego. It basically said:
“@#$*! !!@#)*$@)#(! !@(#)!
#!@!! #@$(! #)%(^+ !#)($) !(@)$((@ !!##@($)#! #$@!
@#$ #@$$# !!@#!@# #(*%#@!!” — This is my response:

Alas! Poor [friend’s name] ____!, who doth not recall I have, some time hence, relocated to the sacred hills of Utah. Thus, my response to having painfully trod on a Lego would be, pure as flowing waters from a mountain stream, a thusly spoken word:

Gosh darn oh my heck!/
Flippin’ fetch! Brigham Young! Son/
agun Fetchin’ A!

Utah Zombie Apocalypse Billboards: Revolutionary ImproVerse Haiku

Why does Utah have/
more zombie apocalypse/
billboards than elsewhere?

Where The Self-Righteous Live: Revolutionary Improv Limerick Lament

Late Monday evening I parked at a bakery that was closing. With 3 cars in a parking lot designed for 100, I avoided the handicapped zone, but — parking quickly — did not pay attention to the parking “lines”. When I came out to my car, this note was on my windshield:
Learn how to park dumb ass.
Really?
There’s lines for a reason.
Love ya.”

So I wrote this (because it does seem that criticism and self-righteous, indignant behavior happens more often here than any place else I’ve lived. See? Even I’m guilty of being judgemental!

Why does it happen in Utah,
(at least as far as I saw),
where everyone’s supposed to love,
and be inspired by God above,
they judge and critize ev’ry tiny flaw?