Posts Tagged ‘repentance’

Ye May Know A Man: Revolutionary ConTEXTing Haiku

March 8, 2015

I don’t care who knows/
what I did wrong. I can then/
speak of repentance.

I Hope I’m Not: Revolutionary ConTEXTing Rhyming Haiku Lament

January 13, 2015

Learning how I was/
must hurt bad because
I’m not/
that way now. I hope.

Finding out how I/
was must hurt so bad because/
I’m not that way now.

Opening Up Her Box Of Pain: Revolutionary Blogging Free Verse

January 12, 2015

I found her box
of pain.

Not knowing
it even existed,
I opened it,
read her words,
and drifted back
10 years.

Even before she knew,
or I knew,
or we knew
the end
was near,
there was sorrow,

Only this time,
it wasn’t mine.
It was hers.
Words screaming
on the screen,
yet in her soft,
“I can take it all”

There was passion
and problems
and pain
and fear
and hurt
and anger
and loneliness
I never knew
she carried.

opened up
all the things
I didn’t know,
or hadn’t cared
to see.

Her vision:
She saw me
clutching the side
of our bed,
back to her,
but I never saw
her fear,
her wondering,
her begging,
her confused yearning
what to do
so I wouldn’t yell,
or be angry,
or threaten to leave,
or emotionally
who I should have
been protecting
and loving.

Like a drug
of pain
I couldn’t stop
I kept reading,
and reading,
and piling on
the “whys”
the “why nots”
the cruelty
I never knew
was me.

She piled it on,
words on
and more,
but it wasn’t
about hurting me.
It was about
to protect
to keep herself
from fading away.
From dying.
From loneliness.
From nothingness.

In her words
were reflected
and broken mirrored
so many
similar stories
I’ve heard
for years,
from others,
about the pain
women felt
from abusive men,
from cheaters,
from liars,
from narcissistic
they’d escaped from.

Hearing the pained stories,
these pig-men were creatures
who have disgusted me,
who have enraged me,
who have made me sick.

Selfish men who hurt women
they’d vowed to protect,
left them cold
and vulnerable
and unsafe
and desolate
and alone
and scared
and lonely.

Are they blind?
How could someone
do such things
and call himself
a man?

How could someone
be such a thing
and call himself
a human?
Much less
a Christian?
Much less a righteous
Priesthood holder?

Not that!

File > Open.
Now I stand,
looking in her box
of pain,
words black
on pale blue,
reading what she’s gone through,
probing her thoughts,
sneaking into her mind,
knowing what she’s going through.

My stomach churns
more than it ever has
for anyone else’s story.
More than it ever did
as I’ve held others
and comforted them
and said
“That’s in the past”
“That’s disgusting.
I’m sorry that happened
to you.
It shouldn’t have,”
and asked
“I don’t know
how someone could do that.”

But it did happen.
And someone could do that.
Only this time,
I’m not hearing about it.
I’m reading about it
in an old family folder
dot doc
from an old
blue light
hard drive I’d rescued
for the photos
and the good memories
I thought I’d find.

Not knowing
I’d find this
words lining
her box of pain.

Does this pain
ever stop?
Does this repentance process
ever end?
Does this discovery and learning
ever quit?
Or will I always
and forever
keep uncovering how much
I hurt her
and what a bad man
I was?

Am I still?

I’m sick
and sickened
as I read about
the man
she knew.
The pig-thing
clutching to his side
of the bed,
clutching to
his side
of the story,
clutching blindly,
blind to the hurt
he dished out.

He makes me sick.

Does this pain
ever stop?
Does this repentance process
ever end?
Does this discovery and learning
ever quit?
Or will I always
and forever
keep uncovering how much
I hurt her
and what a bad man
I was?

Am I still?

I’m ready to puke
on my shoes,
and take my son’s nine iron
to my knee caps
and punch
myself out.

Embracing Cleansed: Revolutionary ConTEXTing Haiku

December 7, 2014

When you’ve been vile, you/
can’t return to the pure. Old/
friends won’t embrace cleansed.

Returning To Him: Revolutionary ImproVerse Rhyming Haiku

November 4, 2014

If you leave Him due/
to sin and not doctrine, the/
return’s easier.

A Deeper Meaning: Revolutionary ImproVerse Haiku

October 22, 2014

When I die, I’ll be/
proud to have “Do you like my/
Hat?” on my coffin.

Sustaining Again, Still: Revolutionary ImproVerse Haiku

October 4, 2014

After eight years, I/
can again raise my right hand./
But I’ve always known.

Which Of These Things Is Not Like The Others: Revolutionary Blogging Haiku

June 11, 2014

Repent. Forgiveness./
Jesus Christ. “Once a cheater,/
always a cheater.”

Returning: Revolutionary ConTEXTing Haiku

May 25, 2014

The time finally /
came. He took sacred emblems,/
remembered, and wept.

Steps To Baptism: Revolutionary ImproVerse Haiku

May 21, 2014

Steps from the dock into the lake ... aka steps to baptism, Lake WinneconneThere are many steps/
which lead to your baptism./
Some you must install.

ALSO (Because these two poems sort of go together):
18:09 — Making An Entrance: Revolutionary ImproVerse Haiku

In order to make/
an entrance, first I had to/
put in the staircase.