Posts Tagged ‘I hurt you’

The Backside And Inside Of My Sorrowing Heart: Revolutionary Blogging Free Verse Lament

August 19, 2014

To all the people
(mostly women)
who I’ve hurt
through
my lies,
deception,
falsehood,
selfishness,
ignorance,
stupidity:

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for
the pains
(known and unknown);
I caused you
the anquish,
the distrust,
the confusion,
the worry,
the misdirection,
the doubt,
the self-degredation,
the far-reaching impact,
that my actions
had on your life
and the lives of those
you care about.

I am not sorry
because I got caught,
because I had to change my life,
because saying “I’m sorry” makes me feel better,
because it relieves my guilt,
because I want to stop hurting,
because I have to say it to get forgiveness,
because I want to excuse myself,
or because it’s the right thing
to do.

I am just sorry.
You have opened my eyes
to the pain I’ve caused,
and given me
the sorrow
I deserve.

My heart hurts,
but I’m not saying I’m sorry
to make it stop hurting.

I want it to hurt worse,
if that will help you
feel better.

I want you
all
to rip my heart
apart,
to scream at it,
to spit in it,
to cry salt on it,
if doing that will help
your hearts
live again
and heal the deep wounds
which pierced them.

My heart does not hurt
in its frontal chambers,
with the hope your forgiveness
will make it feel whole.
My heart hurts
all the way
to its back side,
and through its inside,
for no selfish reason,
just for the truth
of knowing that
I hurt you.

If I can take your pain
that I caused,
and jam it
roughly,
in my heart,
and heal yours,
please let me.

Other than that,
I know of nothing more
I can do
except let you look at
the aching backside of my heart,
and beg Him
to heal yours.

I’m sorry.

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