No More Whining: Revolutionary Napkin Poetry

Remember when I’d/
stand here, weep and moan about/
my dates. I won’t now!

Assailing Her With A Pun: Romantic IMprov Haiku

If you ask women/
to go sailing on a first/
date, is that tacky?

Facebook “Like” Means Little: Revolutionary IMprov Rhyming Haiku

Wouldn’t it be great/
if everyone who “liked” your/
post wanted to date?

Daughter’s Wisdom On Father’s Day: Revolutionary ImproVerse Haiku

Father’s Day wise words:/
“Stand in holy places” and /
“Just show up.” I will.

Why Would Someone Ask About My Kissing? Revolutionary IMprov Limerick

I kiss. Kissing is swell.
(I’ve been told I kiss well!*)
But part of my allure
is that a woman can be sure
that I will never ever tell.

*Kissing analysis and statistics gathered from independent study participants who volunteered their comments and information. Analysis, insights, summaries and anecdotal comments included:
“_______!!! Oh ______!!!!!!”
“______! And then, __________!!!”
and:
“________? Dave _________, and I _______!!!”
Past performance should be indicative of future results.

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Teach A Man To Fish Starvation: Revolutionary IMprov Haiku

You may teach a man/
to fish, but if he won’t go/
where they swim, he’ll starve.

Playing Where Truth Grows: Revolutionary ImproVerse Haiku

Why do I play in/
fields of weeds and tares, when I/
know where the truth grows?

Should She Ask? It’s Simple Math: Revolutionary IMprov Prose

In person and in social media forums, many single women ask the question: “Is it okay for a woman to ask out a man, or ask a man for his phone number, or ask a man to dance?”
Assuming that social norms have changed enough to give women “equal rights” in dating, it boils down to a simple math issue of “if/then” equations.
The first equation is very complicated:
IF there are (say), 1000 [Or insert any number you wish] single dateable women (meaning my age range within 200 miles of my home), AND IF they are on Facebook (or some other place where I can “find” them, such as going to singles activities, dances, classes, parties, etc.),
THEN ASSUME I have enough time in a week to ask out 3 new women (which is EXTREMELY high) a week,
THEN I have the chance to ask out about 150 NEW WOMEN a year. AT THE MOST.
Result? These women have a 15% chance of me asking them out (or a 1.5 out of 10 chance).
Not very high.
If the numbers change (lets say, for example, there are 5000 eligible women, and I can only take out 2 new ones a week, which are probably closer to true numbers), then the results change dramatically (in this case, 100 women a year out of 5000 = 2% chance I will ask a particular woman out, or a .2 out of 10 chance.)

HOWEVER, the second equation is much simpler for both scenarios (for me, and for most men, with some exceptions):
IF a woman asks me out,
THEN there is a 100% chance I will go out with her.
100%!

The same is true for asking for phone numbers or email. Ask, and ye shall receive!

The same is roughly true at a singles dance.
Women ask: “Should I ask a man to dance?”
For the answer, here’s my logic:
At a normal dance for people my age, there are 100 single women.
Each dance song is (roughly) 4 minutes long.
That means there are about 15 songs an hour.
Each dance lasts (roughly) 3 hours.
That means there are about 45 potential songs we could dance to. Already, a woman has less than a 50/50 chance I will dance with her.

NOW ASSUME that I will skip dancing to some songs because I don’t like the song (Boot-scootin’ Boogie, The Lion Sleeps Tonight), or I want some water (I dance hard!). Also assume that, during line dances (Cupid Shuffle, Electric Slide, etc.), I will dance solo. The total number of songs I can dance to drops to about 35 dances.
THEN ASSUME that I will dance twice with the same woman for at least 25% of those songs (one fast, one slow), and you’re down to about 25 potential songs I can dance to with a unique partner.
That equals a 1 in 4 (25%) chance that I will dance with a particular woman at that event.

HOWEVER, if a woman asks me to dance, she will, 100% of the time, get a “yes” answer.
Do the math.

Then ask!

Brunette Dreaming: Romantic Free Verse Poetry

She was brunette,
too,
young,
like me,
and I dreamed
and planned
and schemed
how to
date her,
and to what?

My German class
crush.
When I finally dared,
for the first time ever,
to ask her out,
heart in throat,
palms sweating,
stomach butterflying,
she said
she was
“too busy”.

Funny how some things
don’t change.
Maybe
it’s a brunette thing.

Futility Lessons: Romantic ImproVerse Haiku

If at first you don’t/
succeed, try, try again. Then/
stop. She won’t want you.