Hidden Seahawks “12” Support: Revolutionary ImproVerse Haiku

I discovered proof/
of Pepsi’s hidden support/
of the Seahawks’ “12s”!

(Check the reflection under the “Exit” sign)

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How The World Wants Richard Sherman’s Interview To Flow: BORING Post-Game Interview Sarcastic Prose

I lived in Seattle for 25 years. Two of my kids have never lived anywhere else. After they beat San Francisco in the NFC Championship Game in Seattle, cornerback Richard Sherman gave a short, explosive interview. You’ve seen it already. And I am SOOO tired of people calling him out about it. With my decades of Sports TV-watching experience, I decided I would put together a sample interview of how everyone (outside of Seattle) thinks the interview SHOULD have gone … the way every other BORING interview has EVER gone. Props to Sherman and LOB for being originals!) GO HAWKS!

How the world (other than Seahawks fans) would prefer Richard Sherman answers the interview questions:

Erin Andrews: “Take us through that last defensive play”.(NOTE: See the play here on YouTube)
Richard Sherman: (takes a deep breath.) “WHEWW! Wow. Let me catch my breath. I mean, you know, I’m pretty excited to even BE here, and wow, you know, our 12th Man is pretty excited (Waves to the crowd off camera) and, you know, I’m pretty excited by that play that Malcolm Smith made at the end of the game, but WHEWWW… let me try to calm down and answer your question. Okay. WHEW!”

“Well you know, we were in our typical nickel package, because Kaepernick’s a great competitor, but we figured he couldn’t run all the way to the end zone, so we had to cover deep. I was surprised when Crabtree lined up on my side, because they hadn’t thrown at me all game but twice, so that surprised me a little. But I figured he was just a decoy, and they’d go to the other side.
As a result, my coverage on Crabtree was a little soft. And he put a great move on me and got behind me a little. You know, I made a mistake, what can I say? And then I jumped just a bit early. You know, Kaepernick’s got such a powerful arm, I thought the ball would come in faster than that. But I guess he was trying to throw over me, you know, float it a bit more. So, yeah, I had to twist my body a bit to get to it. But as I was jumping, and I thought to myself “Oh, no, Crabtree got behind me, he’s such a great receiver! He’s got this! I gotta do something!” and I twisted my body because I WAS out of position. And I don’t know if it was the Lord lifting me, like He says He will, “as on eagles’ wings”, or maybe it was the 12th Man down in the Red Zone, you know, we Seahawks can all feel their power, they are such great fans, we feed off of them, and they lifted me on Seahawks wings, I don’t know. But I give praise that I just got enough lift to reach the ball.”

“And you know, our coaches, they are so great. They have us work on that tip drill all the time. I hate that drill, but they keep pounding it into us. And it paid off. Give all the credit on that play to Malcolm Smith for being in the right place to make that interception. I saw him grab the ball as my body, twisted and contorted as it was, slammed into the ground. For a second, I thought Crabtree was going to adjust and catch it, because he’s so great that way, but it was Malcolm and I’m so grateful for that.”

Erin Andrews: “So what did you and Michael Crabtree talk about after that play, when he stiff armed you to the face.”
Sherman: “Oh, you know, he’s such a great competitor. I just gave him a butt slap, because it’s something Coach Harbaugh and I used to do to each other when we were at Stanford, you know, so I do it to the whole 9ers team, you know, and they love it, they get it. And I told Crabtree “great game” and tried to shake his hand. And he was laughing and said “Wow, great, great play. If it had to be anyone, I’m glad it was you! Great play!” And then he said “Wow, did you see the way Lynch stiff-armed our defense on that run…. like this?” And that’s when he stiff-armed me, but we were laughing about it. He said “You know, I’m looking forward to the off-season when we can work together on your ‘Blanket’ foundation”. So we’re cool like that.”

Erin Andrews: “Really? So what about the “choke” sign you made?”

Sherman: “Erin, really? Have you ever worn one of those hoods / neck warmers? They are UNCOMFORTABLE! I was just trying to move it around my neck, kinda scratching my neck by moving it around! I would … how could you even think I was doing that? I have nothing but respect for the ‘9ers and for Michael Crabtree. You know, he was posting on Twitter and all that for the last couple of years, and he’s said stuff to me personally, too, about how I’m not that good, and you know, I did make that mistake covering him, and he’s so great, as I said, I’m just glad we can go to the Super Bowl. It will be great to face Peyton, too, because he’s such an amazing quarterback.”

Erin Andrews: “Thank you Richard for a great, in-depth analysis. Best of luck to you.”

Sherman: “Thank you, Erin! And I want to give a shout out: L.o. B.! Legion of Boom! You know, without those guys, I’d be nothing in this league. They are the true superstars. And the 12th Man. What can you say about our fans!?”

Erin: “Back to you, Joe!”

Is that REALLY how you would have wanted Richard Sherman’s interview to flow?